What really matters
by Saluzozette
Summary: It was late at night when Cisco's voice broke the silence in the room. Barry was on the verge of sleep, curled around his boyfriend, his nose bured deep into his hair. "Barry? I'm gonna do it." Warning : Coming out, mention of abuse and homophobia, please, stay safe. Remember that neither english nor spanish are my first languages


It was late at night when Cisco's voice broke the silence in the room. Barry was on the verge of sleep, curled around his boyfriend, his nose bured deep into his hair. Cisco's back was warm against his chest, their fingers glued together and really, the speedster had rarely felt as tired, comfy and happy as he was right now. His mind was already drifting away, but he acknowledged the other man's plea nonetheless.

"Barry?"

Cisco's voice was alert and very much awake. Far from the confortable stillness that had filled the bedroom for the last hour. Why wasn't he asleep already?

"Hum..." The speedster mumbled, trying to sound a little bit less out of it than he actualy was.

"I'm gonna do it."

It took Barry a full minute to give that rather short sentence a meaning, and even then he couldn't get his brain to translate what his boyfriend was telling him. It was way too late for enigma from his point of view.

"Do what?" He asked, his numb lips not quite doing their job of forming the words.

He wanted to sleep. He wanted to enjoy the quiteness and stillness of the bedroom, as well as Cisco's skin against his. To have a late night chat wasn't on his "to do" list, but if Cisco wanted to talk, then they would talk. No problem.

"I'm gonna tell my parents." The younger man said. "About us."

Ok, so now Barry was fully awake. He propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at Cisco. It was writen all over the Puerto Rican's face how scared he was. He was lying on his back, breathing heavily and deseperately trying to get some strengh from Barry's eyes. This wasn't going to be just a late night chat, after all. This was going to be an aggressively comforting late night chat.

"Hey, hey, it's ok," Barry soothed him, stroking his cheek with his thumb. "You don't have to do that, you know? I mean – Everybody else knows. I don't care if your parents don't. I know you're not hiding me because you're ashamed or anything so..."

"It's not about you, it's about me." Cisco anwsered in a wisper. "Ever since you defeated Zoom..."

"Couldn't have done it without you all."

Barry only got a black glance for his interruption.

"Ever since _we_ defeated Zoom, things have been great. There is no more immediat threat and we can actually move on with our lives without being afraid of dying several times a week. That's a huge relief, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm with you on that part, but... What does it have to do with you telling your parents about us?"

"Not just about us, actually."

Barry frowned as Cisco leaned his face even further into his hand. He was clearly looking for reasurance here.

"Cisco... Does your family know about you being into guys?"

"You mean do they know about me being even weirder and a bigger disapointment than they thought? Ah! Actually, no, they don't."

"Hey, hey, you're not weird, and you sure as hell are not a disapointment." Barry urged. "And if that's what they think, then they're just morons."

"Be careful," Cisco tried to joke even though his voice was choked up. "You're still talking about my family here."

Barry couldn't bear the look on his boyfriend's face. Cisco's eyes were meant to shine with joy, not be shaded by whatever heavy crap his family had told him since his childhood. His whole face was meant to light up the darkest places with a simple smile, and his body was definitely not meant to shiver the way it did right now.

Barry leaned forward, compelled at a molecular level to somehow make it better. Their lips met, and Cisco's hands kind of teleported themselves from his side to his boyfriend's hair. He always had a thing for hair. Barry did too. The kiss was sweet and soft, but eager from both sides. Cisco was looking for something, anything, that could shoot away the bad thoughts, and Barry wanted, _needed_ , to be that thing. To be Cisco's sheild against his own demons.

Their lips broke apart when they had to breath. The speedster stayed there, just centimeters away from his boyfriend. That ugly thing he had see in Cisco's eyes that looked way too much like self-hatred just a moment ago was gone, only to be replaced by sadness and loneliness. How could Cisco look so lonely with Barry this close to him?

"I love you," The speedster said, fingers running through the other man's hair and anger running deep into his heart. "And I don't care if you somehow still don't believe me, because I'll never grow tired of repeating it. I'll say it as many times as you'll need to hear it. I love you."

The Puerto Rican took a shaky breath and pulled Barry into a crashing hug that the speedster returned without a second thought. Cisco was such a wonderful person! How could anyone – AKA his family – stand the thought of making him shattered?

After some long and conforting minutes of cuddles, Barry spoke again.

"You still need to explain the link between your parents and me defeating Zoom, you know?" He wispered, hoping his boyfriend hadn't fallen asleep.

"There is none," Cisco explained, his voice muffled into Barry's shoulder. "It's just that... With you getting rid of the City's problems and all, I figured out it was time for me to get ride of mine. I'm just super-extra 100% scared, even though I already know what comes next."

"What comes next?"

"Me not being allowed to put a single toe in my parents' house for the rest of my life, to begin with, and my parents not being willing to have anything to do with me anymore. Not that they really wanted to before either, but..."

"You can't know for sure that's gonna happen."

"Trust me, I know." The younger said, almost agressively. "Why do you think I've never told them?"

Barry couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was 2016! Nobody was that closed minded nowadays, right? Then he reminded himself of the need he had felt to break some noses the last time he had heard Dante calling Cisco a dog, and comparing him to a little girl. And they weren't even dating at the time. If Cisco's parents were able to look at this asshole and still concidered him their favorite – Hell, if they were able to favorise one of their sons over the other, then yes, even in 2016, some people still managed to be fricking scary stupid dickheads.

"Why now?" Barry asked, still stroking Cisco's hair with the hand that wasn't busy crushing him against his chest. "I mean... I get why you wanna do it, but why now?"

"Because it feels like the right time."

"What do you mean?"

"Never before have I felt as if telling my family about my sexuality was somehow worth losing them."

Barry's heart broke into thousand pieces. Why was Cisco, of all people, the one with a shitty family? Why was he the one who had to choose between his family and who he loved? Nobody should ever have to face a choice like this. But there he was, and Cisco, sweet, bright, nerdy Cisco was telling Barry he was worth practically becoming an orphan. How the speedster managed _not_ to burst into tears was a mystery.

"Do you really have to?" He dared to ask, trying and failing to hide the knot in his throat. "Can't you... I don't know, not tell them and still be happy with me?"

Cisco kissed him quick on the lips. It was more a don't-get-me-wrong-but-shut-the-hell-up kiss than anything else but Barry leaned in to it anyway.

"No, I can't." Cisco said, voice hurt but steady. "Because I'm serious about us, Barry, and even if it ends up with them kicking me out of their lives, I'd rather be honest with them. They may not act like it, but they're my family. They may not like me very much, but I do. I don't wanna lie to them any more. I should have done this way sooner anyway. I just..."

The speedster was still holding on his boyfriend for dear life but Cisco broke their embrace. He put his head back on the pillow and looked at Barry with big bright loving-but-scared brown eyes. His hand came to stroke Barry's hair.

"I'm gonna need you on this one," he told him quitely. "I'm gonna need you like I've never needed you before. I can't do it on my own."

"And you don't have to." Barry immediately replied. "I'll always be there. You don't have to be alone anymore, you know that, don't you?"

Of course, Cisco had never truly be alone, technically speaking, but with his family, then Ronnie, then Kendra, then Wells/Thauwn, each of them leaving him one by one, Barry had seen what effects it had had on his friend. Even now, after eight months of dating and a ridiculous amount of "I love you" on a daily basis, Cisco still couldn't fully believe that Barry wasn't going to leave him any time soon. He had learnt to feel like he was always going to end up alone, sooner or later. And the speedster hated all the odds of the multiverse for that.

Instead of anwsering, Cisco drew closer and snuggled against Barry. It was basically his body-language for "I'm done being serious now, can we get back to our usual selves, please?" The speedster let out a sigh and tucked his chin on the top of his boyfriend's head. Whatever was coming next, he was ready for it. Bring it on, evil meta-humans and practically child-abusing families. Neither of them were going to alter what Barry and Cisco had. Nobody would because nobody could.

Cisco's hand was moist in Barry's. They were on the porch of the Ramon's family house, but neither of them seemed willing to knock. Barry figured it was his boyfriend's call to do so. Cisco still needed some time however.

"We don't have to do this today." The speedster reminded him.

He wanted to be supportive, but his man was so obviously and painfully scared that it was hurting him from the inside. He wished he could wrap Cisco into a hug that would protect him from all this angst, but even if he did do so, it wouldn't do the job, and it _wasn't fair_.

Cisco's hand slipped from his grip to be rubbed against his jeans before he put it on his face. A short sharp laugh escaped him.

"Oh, Dios mio, this is going to be so ugly." The Puerto Rican stammered. "Barry, I'm sorry. I asked you to come, but if you don't want to do that, I'd totally understand. It will be really awkward for you and..."

"I'm not leaving you." The speedster stated firmly. "You're stuck with me, so don't give me that kind of bullshit."

Cisco laughed again, still a strangled sound but somehow souding releaved. He lifted his face to look at Barry and rewarded him with a smile, not as wide as usual, but just as dazzling. God, wasn't he the cutest.

"Ok, one last rule then," He said, waving his finger in front of the speedster's face. "Whatever happens, I don't want you to get mad at my parents. I'm used to whatever they're gonna tell me, so don't you dare say anything about it. Get mad all you want afterward, but while we're in there, it's my parents' rules. Got it? It'll be hard enough as it is."

"Got it." Barry anwsered, already worried about what could make him so mad.

"Lucky kiss?" Cisco then asked and man, Barry was _so_ willing to oblige.

The doorbell seemed to echo for centuries before a female voice could be heard behind the door. Cisco's mother welcomed them with a big bright smile and a warm hug for her son.

"¡Cariño! I'm so happy to see you!"

"Hola, Mamá." Cisco said, returning the hug with as much warmth. "¿Cómo estás?"

"Muy Bien, hijo. Oh, por favor, córtese el pelo, Cisco."

"No Mamá, no haría esto. Deja de preguntamelo. I brought my friend with me, I hope you don't mind."

If he didn't knew better, Barry would have never guessed his boyfriend's mother was not what she seemed to be: a mother hen, smothering her baby boy. Pascuala Ramon was a rather short woman with large hips, who looked very much like the son she was curently strangling. Barry could see who Cisco got his warmth and that bright smile of his from. On the other hand, he couldn't comprehend how on earth a woman with that heap of curly brown hair could possibly have given birth to a boy with poker straight hair like Cisco's. That was genetically impossible.

He was still searching for an anwser to that multiverse's mystery when Pascuala took his arm and drew him into the house.

"Of course we don't mind!" She exclaimed with a laugh. "It's nice to finally meet a friend of yours, Ciscito. You're usually so lonely."

"I'm not, Mamá." Cisco retorted with some exaperation on his face. "I have plenty of friends!"

"Well, we never see them. For the matter, we never see you either. You should come more often, you know?"

This time, Barry decided to intervene to defend his boyfriend's honor. It was time for him to step in the conversation anyway.

"Cisco has a lot of work back at the precinct, you know? His job is amazing! A lot of lives have been saved since he started working there."

From the corner of his eye, the speedster caught Cisco's pleased smile, but his mother didn't seem to notice.

"Are you one of my son's coworkers?" She asked while she closed the door behind them.

"Not quite. I work for the CCPD as well, but as a forensic scientist. I'm Barry, by the way. It is really nice to meet you."

What a big fricking lie. Under other circumstances, Barry would have been delighted to finally meet his boyfriend's parents, but right now, right here, he just wanted to get the job done and hold Cisco while he cried as long as he would need to.

Pascuala smiled again and Barry found himself wondering how a woman with such a smile could treat her son as badly as she treated Cisco. Nobody had ever hit him, the young engineer had been really definite about that, daring Barry or anyone else to say otherwise. He was never physically abused, putting aside all the strangling hugs maybe, but there were other kind of abuses, such as neglect and emotional abuse that he couldn't deny.

"I've always wanted to become a cop," Cisco's mother told them as she was heading for the living room. "And I think that Cisco would have made a great cop too."

"I'm _working_ with the police, Mamá,"Cisco growled, pissed off he had to justify himself."That's as close as a cop as I could ever get."

"But you know how children are," Pascuala carried on with a somehow sad, resigned and _disappointed_ smile for Barry. "They never listen. At least Cisco doesn't. Dante does though, do you know Dante? He's such a sweet child... My boy is an artist, you know? Way too sensible for a dangerous job like that. Que Dios lo bendiga."

Barry didn't miss the shadow that spread across his boyfriend's face. What wouldn't he give to be able to hold his hand right now? For him to feel loved and acknowledged and _necessary_ , even for a second, as his mother kept babling about her wonderful pianist boy that could charm angels with his music.

" Being a cop is a dangerous job, you know?" The speedster added, desesperately trying to redirect the attention on the wonderfully smart, and funny, and nice-as-hell other boy Pascuala had and that she didn't seem to even care about. "I would know, my dad is a cop, and I don't want to think about all the times he could have ended up dead."

"It has its risks, that's true." She agreed. "But at least you get to save people. I'm just disappointed that my son chose to do useless science instead. Look were it got him. Working for S.T.A.R Labs and blowing up a hole in Central City that killed so many people. You couldn't have done that being a cop, Ciscito, and you know it. Reza a Dios que te perdone."

Ok. So, at first Barry had thought his boyfriend's mother was likable, but the more she talked the more he wanted to get the hell out of here with Cisco under his arm and prevent him from ever coming back into this damn house ever again. What kind of sane parent put that kind of blame onto their child's shoulders? She was virtually telling Cisco that all the deaths of that night were on him because he hadn't listened to her! And he wasn't even defending himself? He just stood there in silence, vaulted and putting up with all those horrible words. Barry couldn't stand it.

"What happened that night wasn't!..." He tried to protest, but got interrupted.

"Where is Papá? Is Dante here as well? I need to tell you all something."

Cisco's voice was far away from whatever Barry had thought would come out of his throat at the moment. He wasn't exactely cheerful, but he didn't sound like deeply hurt either. His mother gave him a curious look while they enter the living room.

"Dante left just a moment ago." She said. "He had to go by his lovely girlfriend. A really nice girl, if you ask me. Nothing like that Sophia you brought us last time. I'm glad you two broke up, she really wasn't for you."

Instead of registering the anger on Cisco's face, Barry chose to focus on his surroundings. He would blow up otherwise. He immediately spotted a man sitting in a chair in front of the TV, and Cisco's hair, his wonderful dark skin and his perfect nose kind of explained themselves. Luis Ramon stood up and smiled at his son.

"Holà, chico. It's been a while."

"Holà Papa." Cisco said and gave him a quick hug.

"Cisco, when are you going to cut that hair? For Dear Lord, you look like a girl!"

He absolutly did not! And now Barry almost wanted to bite the man before he even got to talk, for ever suggesting such a... a... a profanity! An abomination! Whoever would want and try to do anything to Cisco's hair would have to go over his dead body first. Nobody would cut Cisco's hair! Not while he could do something about it.

The next twenty minutes were filled with presentations and some discret glances from Cisco to Barry to remind him of his promise not to get mad. And really, the speedster was trying to calm himself down as best as he could, but it was hard with Pascuala and Luis' endless explanation on how Cisco was a screw up, just a disappointment to his parents that still loved him no matter what, so hey! It wasn't so bad after all, _was it?_ And of course, on the other hand, Dante was somewhere near perfect. He had never done anything wrong in his life, his job was safe and nice, he was the sweetest boy ever, with a lot of friends and a lot of girls and it wasn't him that would blow a hole in Central City, right? _Ha ha ha._

For real, did those people even knew how to interact with their son other than by criticizing him? It didn't look like it.

As the minutes passed, Barry watched Cisco's muscles tense up. It was a body language he was used to by now, and it meant that his boyfriend, the man he loved, was being beaten up in front of him, right now, without him doing anything about it. The speedster was slowly realising that it was the way Cisco came back home every time he had to hang out with his family, no matter how hopeful and excited he was about it before he left. In other words, in a way he should absolutely not have, Cisco was used to be talked down to like this. Barry snaped.

He reached for Cisco's hand without even thinking, just basically unable to let him look so young, lost and hurt all by himself any longer. Their fingers tangled. The younger man let his eyes drop on them before he lifted his head to meet the speedster's pleading look. _Please, don't let this last anymore than it has to. Get it done already, and let me take you home, where you belong. Please_.

"What is this?" Luis Ramon asked at their gesture with a frown.

"Mamá, Papá, there is something I need to tell you." Cisco stated.

It really went as ugly as predicted. Barry and Cisco were in their appartement again, Cisco on the couch and Barry in the kitchen. It was the end of the afternoon. The speedster couldn't stop the echoes in his head. His boyfriend's mother's sobs and angry yells, his father's coldness, their horrible words. Cisco's imploring weeps.

"Freaks."

"Please, let me explain..."

"You two are sick."

"You can't..."

"Get out of my house."

"I just need to..."

"Disgusting."

"Mamá..."

"Don't ever come back."

"Papá..."

"We don't know you anymore. You are not our son."

Before all this, Barry had thought he was going to be insanely mad, but he ended up being hurt instead. Those insults weren't his parents'. Henry would never say anything like this to anyone, and neither would Joe, Iris, or Wally. It wasn't his family redjecting him, but he was still hurt. How must Cisco be feeling? Barry had cried just as hard as him on the way back home. He didn't know if it was because of the heinous words stuck in his head, or the look of devastation on his boyfriend's face.

Here they were. Barry knew he should have been comforting Cisco right now, soothing him the best he could, holding him close, telling him, over and over, how much he loved him, how much he needed him, how much nothing his parents had said was true, or even understandable. He shouldn't be here, in the kitchen, trying to convince himself of all those things. He wasn't a freak. He was in no way sick, and he would always be welcome in Joe's house, he knew all that. So why wasn't it helping? He needed to see Iris. He needed to talk to someone. To, at least, regain confidence in himself before trying to help his boyfriend. He couldn't help anyone right now. Not in this state. Not when his whole world was crumbling beneath his feet.

When the doorbell rang, Barry jumped. He almost droped the mug he was holding. Who could that be? The speedster stumbled to the door. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Cisco's head peeped out over the couch. He had stopped crying when they had got out of the car, but had remained unresponsive when Barry had awkwardly tried to talk. He was showing some signs of life again at least.

Behind the door, the speedster was taken aback to see Dante. Cisco's brother. The man was panting heavely, like he had just ran, and was leaning on the doorframe. When Barry openned the door, he imediately stood up.

"Hi, uh..." He said between two breaths in. "Is Cisco here? I – I need to see him. I..."

"What for?" Barry asked, suddenly as cold as ice.

He wouldn't let his boyfriend go through this twice. They already heard his parents' speech, Dante's one was not needed. If the man was half like his folks, then he would never ever set a foot into this appartement.

"Look, man, I need to... Let me... Cisco?"

Dante was trying to look behind Barry, to see if he could get a glimpse of his little brother, but the speedster wasn't going to let that happened. It was...

"Dante?"

It took just a name, just a single word from Cisco for Barry to lose all his strengh. Cisco spoke! It was the first time he said something coherent and that wasn't drawn into sobs since they had left his parents' house.

Dante took his chance when Barry turned his head in Cisco's direction. He sneaked between the speedster and the wall and made his way to the living room without a single look behind.

"Hey! Get out of here!" Barry explaimed, running after him.

"Cisco?"

When he spotted his brother, Dante stopped. The engineer was curled up on the couch, eyes still red from all the crying and darting a broken glance to him.

"If you came to give me a remake of mom and dad's speech, you can just leave." He spluttered, not quite able to use his voice yet. "I'm just a gigantic failure, and you're an only child from now on, bla bla bla. I know the song. I understood the first time..."

"Oh Cisco..." Dante's voice was choking. "Hermano, no eres un fracasado. Lo he creído nunca."

Not for the first time, Barry wished he had picked spanish as his second language in high school, because right now, he was entirely and legitimately lost. When a new weep shoked Cisco's shoulders, he automatically moved to reach him, but stopped when Dante kneeled down in a heart beat and pulled his brother into a hug. What was he doing? Wasn't he supposed to match his parents' description? Wasn't he supposed to be an unbearable asshole? Barry was confused.

"Lo siento," Cisco sobed, his face burried deep into his brother neck. "Lo siento, sólo quería... Esto no era... Disculpe..."

"Shh, shh," Dante soothed him, holding him close. "No te disculpes. Todo está bien."

And... Yeah, Barry was a little bit jealous. He should be doing that. He should be the one comforting Cisco, not Dante. But he couldn't right now, because he was too affected. He shouldn't have been, but he was. And on the other hand, he was glad his boyfriend's brother was here. It meant that Cisco hadn't lost his entire family all at once, at least. And the comfort Barry couldn't give to his boyfriend right now? Dante could give it to him, and that counted for something.

When he eventually decided it was safe to leave, Barry retreated to the kitchen and left the Ramons in peace. Dante was still whispering reassurances in spanish, and Cisco was still talking at an alarming speed, surely apologising for something that was in no way his fault. He tended to do that. Apologize when people shoved him in the street.

Barry sat at the kitchen table and let out a shaky breath. He was in no better shape than his boyfriend. He took his phone and dialed Iris' number. He needed to talk to someone. He needed someone to reassure him.

It took a good half an hour, but Barry's sister eventually managed to comfort him. At some points, the speedster might have been crying, and most of Iris' long speech had just melted into his memory as a nice and warm and conforting background. He couldn't remember half of what she had said, but the important thing was that he was feeling better. Finally.


End file.
